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IN THE MIDDLE

FOR THE MILIONTH TIME

CHOICES 

"Carefully"

PRETENDING


IN THE MIDDLE

Standing in the middle of day

Frozen in fear

Need not to wake it.

Looking into strangers eyes

Speechless in fear

Need not to pronounce it.

The snow is gray in dying

In fear of rejection

Need not to be.

 

FOR THE MILIONTH TIME

When the heart collapses in itself,

For the millionth time at night

So cold.

When the only warmth comes is rushing,

From the millionth cigarette in dark

So empty.

When the only eyes you look in loving,

Come from millionth picture printed

On paper.

When the tired numbness is not salvation,

For the millionth time, no longer.

I die.

When the morning wakes itself regretting.

For the millionth pain to breath,

Oblivious.

It is not me walking blindly

For the millionth time this path

Surprised.

And this false one that pretends

In the millionth fashion plays a play

Unwanted.

 

CHOICES 

Rain tapping at the roof,

Persistent lover, that remains

Right there is the cold.

Waiting with not one complain 

Dipped in another water,

Embraced in the warmth of home,

Oblivious to all and all

I rather chose alone

 

"Carefully"

Tip-toe and slalom

Around the life

Not to break

Even a tiniest dream

Ti-toe and slalom

Around the dreams

Not to break

The life's stream.


PRETENDING

Tiptoeing the life that lives

Not to wake it

Whispering the hopes that hope

Not to let them talk.

Hammering the hurts that hurt

To kill them

Starving the heart that starves

To breath.

 


AND WHAT NOW

THEN AND NOW


AND WHAT NOW

Did I really want to

Love

Was I really ready to

Trust

What the hell was it that I

Believed?

Do I really still want to

Know?

 

THEN AND NOW

Thought,

Strongly

Centered

Acted,

Courageously

Smooth

Looked,

Trustingly

Even

Now,

Plainly

Stupid

I looked

In the wrong mirror

Before

 


AT NIGHT

RIVAL

WHEN WE TALK

YOU THUNDER

Zen Master Seung Sahn’s Birthday – 2001

SORROW

PLENTY

YOU IN ME

GIVING


AT NIGHT

Staccato of your breathing

Murmur of my cat

The faraway city

Is waiting

To close its eyes

For today

From behind the curtains

And under the carpet

From behind my memory

And under the day

Long shadows

And gray

Who gave them the right

To live within ?

To lick

To satisfy

To possess

That night

 

RIVAL

You

Summer breeze

Mind

Adventures

Heart

Wanting

Demanding wave

Repeatedly swooshing

Into others

Taking

And

Back inside

 

WHEN WE TALK

Words

Sticky fingers

Wondering around

When finding the pray

Pinch

Words

Milk chocolate

Tempting soft

When finding the heart

Melt

Words

Lifeless form

Naïve and waiting

When not given importance

Nothingness

 

YOU THUNDER

Yesterday you came

Summer rain

Smell of earth

Touch

And

The world opened

Today you left

Shadows

Lift up and fall

Broken

And

The sky closed at me

Tomorrow you returned

Quiet

Endless morning

After storm

Open hopes

 

Zen Master Seung Sahn’s Birthday – 2001

Coming from the West

Coming from the East

Where do you come from?

Going to the West

Going to the East

Where do you go?

Teaching “don’t know”

Teaching “sky is blue”

What do you teach?

Your robe is gray

Your eyes are narrow

What does that mean?

Katz!

Happy birthday!!!

 

SORROW

I’m sad

Sad with rain

And bended

Trees

I cry

Cry with rivers

And the ocean’s

Waves

I curl

Curl with sorrow

Here

 

PLENTY

Whispering fan

Blue-eyed sky

Curious birds

On the window sill

Friendly floor

With a carpet-soft

Hug

On my feet

Come

There is plenty

For you

 

YOU IN ME

At night

Through shadowy

Windows

By the wavy

Sheets

Over the warm

Curves

Inside deepest

Breath

There is your

Passion

 

GIVING

Heart

Wrinkled paper

On the wastebasket

Bottom

Loving

Wanting

Wrapped around you

With uneven edges

Cracked and torn

Mine

Yours

Everything

 


NO REFUGE

GOING

BAD TIME

RELATIONSHIP

RELAX


NO REFUGE

Through

The fading window

City

Foreign city

And

Not my tears

On the other side

Of glass

No defense

With music

And the street

Can’t hide me

My dreams must

Grow up

 

GOING

Days

Like clear water

Channeling skin

Whitening hair

White wall

In front of me

And colorless time

Unyielding

Like mountain

 

BAD TIME

You left me

Three fists

Time

And solitude

Sharp edges are

Cutting my face

Hard and

Uneasy

Silence

Left me with

Black eye

 

RELATIONSHIP

Five years of

Hard home

Sentence

That I gave

Myself

In a cramped

Torture room

We looked

At each other

Surprised

Terrified walls

Couldn’t be killed

From the explosion

Of slammed door

A girl was born

Again

 

RELAX

The shelves in my room

Are blooming

With a pillow

On a tree branch

I sleep

Thank you for

This silence

The city is

Powerless

 


-SORROW-

WRITING

LOST AND FOUND ADD

WHAT AM I ?

* * * * *

AFTER STORM


-SORROW-

Such a great

Sorrow

Died

Broke

There is

Nothing

Just like no

Meaning

In

Those words

 

WRITING

The paper

Greedily

Swallows

Inky words

Never satisfied

Eats all thoroughly

Bites on

Word’s sense

Treats itself

With a problem

Throwing away

Leftovers

Of question marks

What rests is a

Confusion of letters

And

Empty man over

An open

Journal

LOST AND FOUND ADD

I lost myself

I was left in a train?

On a church’s bench?

At the friends?

What am I?

What do I love?

And

Is there anything that I hate?

…

An honest finder,

Please…

 

WHAT AM I ?

If you have nothing

To offer

Don’t come into my mind

Leave me to the night

My name is lover

If you have nothing

To offer

Don’t come to my home

Leave me to my son

My name is mother

If you have nothing

To offer

That doesn’t matter

Leave me to me

I exist in there.

 

* * * * *

No

That passer-by

Is not you

Neither the knock

At the door

Waiting

It’s raining

And leaves are falling

Down

That is not you

Either

Drinking tea

Waiting

 

AFTER STORM

Most difficult is

In the morning

Zigzagging

The room

Do not spill

Tears

Slowly

Opening door

To free

Time

Quiet

Don’t slam it

Quiet

Children playing

Quiet

Nobody

Believes

In stairs

 


PASSING-BY

* * * * * *


PASSING-BY

We stand too long

On the street

We talked too long

My passer-by

We didn’t notice

That all is already

Behind us

And now?

We have to continue.

 

* * * * * *

Music and rain

Rock the pillow

And home

That does not exist

Someone passed by

With closed

Umbrella

Doesn’t he believe in rain?

 


MARRIAGE ANNIVERSARY


MARRIAGE ANNIVERSARY

We walk so long

Arm by arm

I know only your profile

I swallowed many words

For breakfast

And

For lunch I would

Cry little bit

At the dinner table

In the light of holiday

Candle

I look into your

Already

Indifferent eyes

 


CROWDED SPRING

* * * *


CROWDED SPRING

In buses

Crowded sun

On the streets

In a hurry

To nestle all

Until it touched

Yellow coffin

And black ribbons

 

* * * *

You were stolen

Piece by piece

With photos

White linens

Mornings

Glass by glass

With wine

Whose taste

I don’t know

I will recreate you

With touch

Kiss and smile

Poems

Inch by inch

With round

Pulsing belly

 


* * * * * * *

* * * * * * * *

SLEEPLESSNESS


* * * * * * *

Word unspoken

Stick to end

Of a name

Like Velcro

Word unspoken

My soul’s

Absolute

Master

 

* * * * * * * *

I’m cramped

In this girl’s body

And the

Round breasts

And feel

Unserious behind

Her freckled

Face

And

The naivety

I want to free

Myself

 

SLEEPLESSNESS

Pillows nestle

My hands

Night tossed

Into room

Unknown shapes

Every hour

Clock’s sight

Shatters

Dream bubbles

 


FOR MY MOTHER

ON HOLD

FIELD

AUTUMN

LATE AUTUMN

DREAM III

AUTUMN FAVOR ASKED TO TIRED GOD

* * *

ON A BUSINESS TRIP


FOR MY MOTHER

I’m a wrinkle on your face

And a gray hair

(I want to be a lilac on a winter day)

I’m a wave of a tried hand

And bended back

(I want to be a handful of berries)

 

ON HOLD

Broken clock

With blue

And white

Face

Stopped

Your fingers

On its key

I wait for the first ring

 

FIELD

Wet field

Polished with

Cows' noses

Is kissing my feet.

 

AUTUMN

The falls fall

Started

The sky

Threw wet

Bubbles

And

Slashed

Red paint

I will make a

Leafy bouquet

For you.

 

LATE AUTUMN

Did you see?

The October; gnawing

Leaves from trees?

The November; licking

Sidewalks with caretakers

Brooms?

Frost pinched my face.

Look, winter is coming.

 

DREAM III

Waves are leaping

Let’s run

Soon they

Grab beach’s

Throat.

Not aiming right

It just scraped

Cuticle of sand

Waves are ready

To leap again

In the morning

In my room

Sunrises

Chrysanthemum.

 

AUTUMN FAVOR ASKED TO TIRED GOD

Old names are

Burning

Dried roses

And

Faded letters

In a sacrificing

Fire

Please God,

Open your eye.

 

* * *

Sitting on a plate

Of my days

Not really him

I sip it to

The last drop

Dreaming

And it fills me

Fully

Not really him

I don’t know

If the rusted

End of summer

Will tell me

Was it only my

Wanting?

 

ON A BUSINESS TRIP

Day is leaking

Through my teeth

With thin

Restaurant tea

Its warmth sinks

In four hours

Trip

Turning it

Into thin sleep

At the next table

Somebody’s teeth

Hash cutlet

Already hashed

Nothing is going

To happen.

 


DREAM I

DREAM II

HALLOWEEN IN POLAND


DREAM I

Wide Ocean’s arm

Clasped me

Into its bottomless

Chest

And all bad dreams ran

What’s left

Is a wave

Of

Salty

Green

Lullaby

 

DREAM II

Like ocean

We clasp

Each other with eyes

Catching air

With both hands

Collecting on a sand

All unspoken words

Above us

Blue dome of

Our private illusion.

 

 

HALLOWEEN IN POLAND

Religiously

Silent bones

In rotten

Coffins

Lay in black

Earth

Lay silently

In morbid poses

Without eyes

Weighted

With marble stones

In darkness

Graves of

Poets

Soldiers

And children

Shimmering

With candle lights

Old

Grave yard

 


DREAMS


DREAMS

I took them in my hands

Embraced them warmly

From all the sadness in the world

I love them dearly

Most of all

 

© copyright 2011 Grazyna Perl